Welcome to Mama's Library!

Vegan?

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 22:36:35 -0500

I’ve officially been 90% vegetarian and 75% vegan for about 3 weeks now! It has taken me over a year to get to the point where I’m comfortable in cooking this way and planning my meals / snacks out. As all you vegans/vegetarians know there is no such thing as fast food for us! Reading The China Study is really the reason I’m trying to go 99.99% vegan, but as always there are battles in there. My main battle right now is just trying to figure out what to eat, as I can’t eat soy. So ALL (rather 80%) of vegan alternative food (cheese, yogurt etc) are out of question for me. I’m grappling with the concept of eating a cup of greek yogurt a day, but also want to see aka “feel” what the difference is for my body. Already being meat and dairy free most of the time has me much more alert, feeling lighter (even thought I have no clue my before/current weight) and I have almost 0 stomach aches now YAY!

For those considering a vegan/vegetarian lifestyle my suggestions:

Be steadfast in your reasons, they will be questioned even by those that love you dearly (Read: The China Study, Watch: Forks Over Knives, Vegucation)

Transition sloooooooowly (no crash veganing allowed!)

You must have a support group (husband, children, someone that understands and doesn’t ask “what do you eat then”)

Be prepared to feel SO MUCH HEALTHIER and more in control of your effects on your body and your effects on the earth!

Commit to a life-change, not a fad-diet.

Make it work for you (note-my daily cup of yogurt, cheese every once-n-awhile and cow milk with my coffee from the coffee shop once a week) and don’t feel guilty that you are not 100%, if you choose to go that route.

For those of you asking why? And What do you eat?….? More to come soon! My family tested my steadfastness recently, so I now know I’m ready for a good debate and thoroughly know many studies from dairy farm scientists that support a plant based, whole food diet!

Healthy living and the living is kinda bumpy (to begin with)

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 13:50:38 -0400

So, now that Im over what WILL be the biggest hurdle of my life (positive thinking here people), Im off to my life cleanse! The first step was prompted when I found out I should really REALLY avoid soy …. insert sad face here! We used to drink soy milk like babies and were on the way to the vegan lifestyle, but finding healthy soy alternatives has proven challenging.

What has been my saving grace? Whole Foods, which for all of you who are not blessed with the amazing grocery store its like an upgraded Wegmans! WF doesn’t accept any product with preservatives, or ‘bad’ for you chemicals like sulfates! Therefor, searching for these non-soy based alternatives has been so much easier!

The other thing that’s come in handy in my way to living a purer life is my phone. I google search items all the time in the store. The other day my son tried an “all natural” mini hot dog (not at Whole Foods). I mentioned the nitrate as an additive and the sales person said the dogs don’t have nitrates….hmmmmm. Then when he saw the ingredient he played it off “it’s just salt, its not the BAD nitrate”….hmmmmm. So my “I dont want to cause an disturbance in the middle of the grocery store AND in front of my son” threw the minis in the cart. Right before checkout, we googled ‘sodium nitrate’…..the first article “…shown to lead to an overwhelming increase in cancers” then next article similar, the next, the same. So the minis went back and I wanted to go back to the man for some education, but time was of an essence.

After a minor melt down from the lil man that wanted pigs in a blanket he saw brie cheese and the frown was turned upside down (who thought I’d develop a gourmet cheese addict out of this process?)

The brie was delicious and the fact that we had mostly ‘clean’ foods for the week was delightful for my soul!

American Cancer Society Fundraiser!

Tue, 15 May 2012 09:53:50 -0400

Great organization! The only org that fully supported me and my family through treatment with someone to talk with, insurance information and a grant to help pay for costs!

So, Im having a fundraiser! Go to pamperedchef.biz/tamarab type in Tamara Button for the hosts name and 25% of sales go to the Cancer Society!!!!

Rather donate to ACS? Google American Cancer Society Donations and click the first link. Let me know how much you donated please, my goal is $1,000!!!!

Cleaning out

Tue, 15 May 2012 09:49:45 -0400

Sincere apologies for the huge delay in posting! I’ve been focusing on getting back to feeling like me, drawing inward, cleaning out etc. I’ve attacked my diet and returned it to pre-cancer state by donating the comfort and convince foods that simplified life during treatment. I also returned to all natural products….paraben, soy (my type of tumor is fueled by soy) etc free! Its such a relief to be “clean” again and know I am only fueling myself and my family with preservative free, amazing food.

Next on the list? Getting in the best shape of my life for my 30th birthday!

Getting back to feeling like me!

Tue, 15 May 2012 09:40:51 -0400

Getting back to feeling like me!

Martin protest #justice

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 19:12:45 -0400

Martin protest #justice

The new "normal"

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 13:51:27 -0500

It has been awhile and honestly I have no good excuse other than I’ve been ENJOYING LIFE!!!! My last treatment was an Valentines Day (what a great day to remember each year :)! Everything went without any un-forseen side-effects which is fabulous! My skin got very, very red in the treatment area and is now peeling off. In some areas my skin was so affected that it turned dark, dark brown. It was very tight and painful at times, but I kept applying Aquaphor like a champ. I wrote Aquaphor regarding donations/supporting radiation patients as I went through over $60 of lotion just during treatment but still have had no answer. I’ll let you know if I do hear from them.

Since Valentines Day I have been trying to figure out how to carve my future. I started my own business as an Independent Consultant for a kitchenware company and that is going very well. However, in the mean time of growing my business to full time pay I’m analyzing what to do with the rest of my free time. Today I applied for a few jobs that are all over the spectrum of my experience including blogging, being a personal assistant and a literacy coach. I need something that is fulfilling both spiritually and financially. Nothing much, just kindness from co-workers, a sense of giving back and a simple salary — both of which are low requirements for me “Ms. I was the Director of a annual 1 Million Dollar Government Program, at an Ivy League College”. I’ve always set high expectations in my life, but this experience has taught me to grow in the path that I’m creating, learn from every moment, improve and analyze constantly. Whatever else I choose to add only needs to fill those simple requirements - feed the soul, feed the wallet just enough to pay the bills and take a few road trips. Maybe it was the cancer that taught me this, or maybe it just a spring awakening? Either way, I’m enjoying being stress free, enjoying my family, taking road trips with my husband, son and puppy and spending more quality time with family. So thank you awakening, thank you!

5 down, 20 to go!

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 08:35:28 -0500

I have officially had 5 radiation treatments! That means 4 more weeks or 20 sessions left. So far its going very well, my only side effect is a feeling like I’ve been in the sun too long, which I feel during the actual treatment, mild nausea after and being a bit more tired. But what mother isn’t tired?

I have an fantastic radiation team that range the spectrum from young to old(er), single mother, family dad, grandmother etc. So, almost anyone can feel like they are part of the extended family while at treatment.

When I get to the treatment center I change while they change the machine to my measurements. Everything from how my forearm is positioned to how my hips are angled and where my but goes is all pre calculated! After Im positioned they put a gel like paper on my breast area, tape it down and cover me with a sheet. Its cold in there! They the 1foot thick door closes and they watch me on a camera. A machineto is over my chest, about 6 inches away and it adjusts all around the right side of my chest all the way from the my back to the chest bone throughout treatment. Im getting a new type of radiation where its concentrated so parts inside the machine move, which I can see, to change the area of concentration.

So far I’ve calculated that each session is about 16, 10 second does of radiation to different parts of the breast area. During one session I learned that people with blood cancer have to have a special harness made because they get 10-15 minutes of continuous radiation, eventually passing out. Im so thankfully this isn’t me, Im not sure I can handle it. My sincere respect goes out to people who endure these treatments, you are true warriors!

Twenty more treatments to go, Ill keep you posted!

Phenominal news!!!!

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 18:33:10 -0500

PET scan results are in, drumrolllllll please….I am CANCER FREE!!!! The PET scan came back with no highlighted areas and the two tumors under my breastbone are GONE! Most likely still doing radiation, but that’s to be decided still. Great news!

aNoteToMyKid.com: Heartwarming Messages of Love from Parents, Family and Friends of LGBT People (PHOTOS)

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 07:09:44 -0500

aNoteToMyKid.com: Heartwarming Messages of Love from Parents, Family and Friends of LGBT People (PHOTOS)

Nasty sugar water

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 15:10:08 -0500

Nasty sugar water

Hitting the brakes

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 15:09:09 -0500

Just when I though I was beginning to not let this “cancer thing” get the best of me I sign myself up for a PET scan and scare myself again. Before Im exposed to radiation I wanted to see how well chemotherapy kicked cancers butt. So I was just injected with radioactive dye and am now drinking sickly sweet sugar water to better make my organs “highlight”. Then it starts to creep in “what if they find more tumors?”, “what if it got in my organs?” “am I able to handle chemotherapy again?”…better yet, “is my family ready?”. The rational part of me tries to kick in, but I have a nagging feeling that Im not yet done with chemotherapy and that more awaits me in the near future. Eh, guess well see in a day or two when results are in, Im going to take deep cleansing breaths!

hislittlefeet: tyleroakley: Parenting: you’re doing it...

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 14:59:59 -0500

hislittlefeet:

tyleroakley:

Parenting: you’re doing it right.

He’s sooo cute!

His spirit is amazing!!!!

A New "Normal"

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 11:21:23 -0500

No, I have not fallen off the edge of the world and cancer has not gotten the best of me. Rather I have been focusing on myself, family and living a more whole life. Sorry for my absence and especially sorry if this caused concern!

Since I last wrote I have finished chemo…I SURVIVED!!!!!!! It wiped me clean, but Im alive! All of my hair is growing back (even the hair I would rather not….legs, arms, unmentionables… etc) and I am still taking plenty of naps and probally keeping Starbucks in buisness on days not allowing me a nap.

I also had the 2nd round of recostruction surgery which entailed switching from the brest expanders to permanent saline implants. Honestly, the surgery wasn’t bad. I was very nervous because the 1st surgery knocked me right on my butt for at least a week. I slept a bit extra after this surgery, but returned to being my normal running around NYC self within 3 days or so. I had drains again from the surgery…UGH (I wouldn’t wish these things on anyone…for readers who missed my post about them they are tubes placed in during surgery to drain the excess fluid. They have to be emptied 2x a day and make getting dressed a pain since they add an extra 10lbs of weight, or so it looks, to your stomach). I got them out 10 days later which was anxiety producing for me since last time one had kind of grew in me and hurt a bit when they removed it. Now I have to wear a special bra for 24 hours a day for 8 WEEKS!!!!! This includes New Years! What will I wear to the party we are hosting? I also can’t jump, run, trip, fall etc etc etc! The running thing is great and the weight restiction for 8 weeks has me exempt from walking our puppy in 30 degree NYC winter wind (BIG thanks to the hubbie for taking this on :)!!

Whew, seems lil a whirlwind the past 2 months. Many friends and family have made visits to help out and have been great at getting my mind off cancer! I am so blessed to have so many strong and supprotive people around me :)

So, on the way to my radiation appointment today I will be reviewing the good times, the visits, the exploring and the words of love and support so Im equipped to enter the next phase of this beast Im calling the Tiny C now!

Like an 18 hour support bra, but 24 hours ;)

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 12:02:27 -0400

The 2nd treatment of Taxol went well. About 5 minutes after Benadry was hooked up I was off to lala land for 4 hours, then came home to go to bed at 8pm! The Benadryl had such an effect this time that when the nurse was sitting with me for the first 15 minutes of chemo (protocol) I had to apologize for not chatting and go to sleep! I woke up when the meds were almost done to my husband sitting next to me and a missed call from my son, which brings me to the next point…support.

Without the never ending prayers, wishes, thoughts, donations, cards, facebook messages, tumbler comments, care packages etc I honestly can say I would have a.) given up or b.) needed A LOT of therapy and support groups! On top of fighting cancer some really crappy stuff has happened this year, only adding onto the stress of the current situation. However, family, neighbors, close friends, not so close friends, social media networks and so on are honestly what made me keep it together. The messages of inspiration and encouragement always came at a time where I thought I was about to loose it, ALWAYS!

This has confirmed for me that taking the 5 minutes to send someone a card, put a letter in their pocket, email, or calling someone to tell them you support them, share words of encouragement or just telling them how much you appreciate having them around can literally save someone. I of course can only speak for me, but 90% of the time that I got a message, I really, really needed it. So thank you for helping me to focus on moving forward, staying positive and healing. If I could ask one thing this week, please, continue your message. Email or call that person that you think may need to hear your words of support, it will ALWAYS be welcome, always!

Jumping up and down!

Sat, 10 Sep 2011 08:17:47 -0400

I’m officially done with the “toughest” part of chemo. My chemo was split into three types of medications. For the first 4 sessions I was to get AC (Adriamycin and Cytoxin, two combined drugs) and for the last 4 I’m getting T (Taxol).

Yesterday began my dosing with Taxol. There are two major possible side effects: Being allergic to the drug which would look like breathing problems, muscle spasms in the back and/or rashes. Thank God, this didn’t happen to me! They give each patient steroids to take starting 12 hours in advance, steroids right before the treatment and a double dose of Benadryl via IV (precautions, precautions, precautions!). Also, when the treatment starts the nurse sits with all patients for about 15 minutes. Because you usually you react within 15 minutes. I’m not free and clear from this side effect, as people have reacted during the 2nd treatment, but my fingers are crossed. As I’ve never had even close to an asthma attack and it scares the crap out of me! Side effect number two, guaranteed sever flu like body aches for 2 days beginning tomorrow (1 1/2 days after treatment). The good thing is, if I’m active it does last only 2 days, rather than a week if I stay in bed!

So far, I’m loving Taxol. The only medications I had to take was the steroids before treatment. During the previous treatments I was on drugs for 4 days for anti-nausea. The fact that I woke up this am with absolutely no nausea, no need to take drugs and semi- “feeling like me” makes me jump, jump, jump up and down for joy!!!!!!!! Perfect timing, because 2 months of feeling like crap was really starting to wear on me. I’m so excited to be in this next phase of treatment and more than 1/2 way done! Until next time, I’ll be grinning ear to ear, even through horrible flu body aches.

Photo

Sat, 27 Aug 2011 01:37:33 -0400

Unbreakable!

Sat, 06 Aug 2011 09:09:59 -0400

Chemo treatment 3 of 8 was completed yesterday. This means 1 more treatment with nausea and then we go on to a different medication which I’m told is simply joint aches (not quite believing that yet, somehow). Of this past treatment I got and the next treatment I’m told this is when I’ll be the most tired, get winded going up a flight of stairs and need/want lots of naps. Basically the drugs are kicking my ass and I have to let it rest so it can do its work. Honestly, I’m not taking many risks. When my body wants to rest, I rest. When it wants pasta for 5 days, that whats its getting. Yes, its usually whole grain pasta, but vegetables have been nauseating me more (excluding potatoes…are those a vegetable anyways?). So I’m looking for suggestions as to good, bland food that is nutrient rich, suggestions?. Also, it’s not suggested that I take my multi-vitamin, as there have not been long term studies re:does it cancel out the chemo meds? I’ve been considering ensure, thoughts?

Anyways, on to the more important things in life. My mama and son went with me to chemo yesterday. Even though it was an extra long day (throwing about 3 hours on my normal wait time yesterday!). My 5 year old was phenomenal. We took a 30 minute break to the playground while they were mixing my meds which he immensely appreciated! He also enjoyed the television and endless snacks, including hot cocoa! Treatment went well, it functioned like a learning experience. The way son sees it is “mama goes up in the reclining chair, gets a hot blanket, a neddle inserted and has to sit still for 2 cartoons.” What a simple view. No scary questions afterwords, just understanding now, instead of the unknown.

If it wasn’t for the center I’m at my son probably couldn’t have come, or I would have chosen to have him not come in fear of it not being such a positive learning experience. Have I mentioned before, I love my hospital. Well, I really, really, love my hospital. They are friendly to everyone, accommodating, have all the bells and whistles to amuse anyone. Stacks of snacks that are kid and adult friendly. And all of the newest magazines! You can bring your meals into the waiting room and the staff is PHENOMIAL. I am so blessed to have gotten into where I am being treated! I thank the angel that did so many, many times!

So, this week I’m trying harder than ever to focus on the positive. The fact that I woke up this am with no side-effects is such a huge blessing. I get to show my mom around NYC a little and then run some new errands for my new apartment. I am sending up a little prayer for that huge miracle!

I’d love to hear your suggestions for getting more nutrients into my body. Feel free to comment on the tumbler section or facebook, whatever is easier for you. I’m off to send a little blessing out to my angles and seize the day, may you be able to do the same! :)

Side effects to be continued...

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 08:56:17 -0400

As I go through this process I’m told that my body will break down more and more. Makes sense, the chemo is killing all new cell growth after all. So the most recent addition to the list is mouth sores. Yes, I’ve had canker sores before, possibly one or two at a time, once or twice a year. Bearable, right? Well when were talking chemo mouth sores were taking multiple sores making eating a process.

You could say I’m an undercover foodie, so honestly nausea and this mouth sore BS has me the most frustrated! However, me being me, I look at the situation…and analyze. What else can I gain out of this experience? What is this telling me now? Where is the lesson? Eat slower…? Ok, check. Got it. Lesson learned. Can you go away now? Hmmmm, apparently another lesson is here because they aren’t gone yet…after three days. So I’ve decided there are other lessons.

Number one, patience. Number two, find joy in other things. With that figured out I’m starting to download music again, research photographic techniques and read more. It’s not like I used to lay around all day and think about food, but rather, I would always be planning the next meal. Where could I get the best coffee? Did I want a muffin or oatmeal? Dark chocolate or chocolate soy milk?

Honestly, I needed a re-set button. You would have thought cancer diagnosis would have done that…but, only for a few weeks. So this is yet another gentle reminder to appreciate the small things. Take time to relax and enjoy!

Time for the razor!

Mon, 25 Jul 2011 09:37:00 -0400

The past Friday was chemo treatment #2 (of 8, in case you are counting). I was told my hair would fall out on day 17, here at day 14 I thought I had until Sunday to beat it. However, after my Dr reminded me I decided to take a yank and see what happens. Low and behold, a whole clump came out.

I kinda giggled and showed my husband who’s eyes got HUGE! You can tell he was a little freaked that my hair was falling out like that! I was mesmerized, honestly thinking I could beat it, but once again turns out I’m only in control of some of this.

The deal has been for awhile that all three of us (son, husband, myself) would shave at the same time. So, when my son came back home from his fathers the next day we went to work.

My husband was first, my son getting the privilege of shaving - boy was he excited! He was talking about how he’s such a great barber! Mommy was next and his smile just continued to get bigger! It looks a little odd since some of the hair has fallen out, while other parts have black stubble left making me look like a leopard (thank goodness for scarves!). My son continued to stay focused on the task at hand, but the battery was beginning to die, so we got most of my head done and put the razor on the charger to finish up in the am. As soon as we woke up my son picked up his barber task and then he was up for the baldie. A while later we were all officially bald! I could feel the love radiating from everywhere!

I’m humbled to have such a supportive family. Every time I look at my son and husband I’m reminded of their never endless support. My husband even cut his beard that he’s been growing for a very long time! Turns out we are beating this “C”, it may try to beat us, but we snap right up and put it right back in its place!